The Cowboysuit

Christmas 1952
Cowes
Isle Of Wight England

After the sumptuous Christmas lunch the old Uncles returned to the 'Front' room and whilst I played quietly they dozed in front of the cheery little coal fire. The ladies took up their respective positions in the small scullery to begin the task of washing up and preparing the high tea which would be provided before 5' o clock .

My Uncles snuffled from their dozing and rose up out of their chairs checked their gold pocket watches, then a little unsteadily followed each other through the doorway. Their polished black boots squeaking loudly upon the long polished hallway passage floor as they made their way puffing and wheezing to the 'Back' room where the radio crackled the trumpeting strains of the National Anthem.

As the Queen's speech droned I was left alone in the 'Front' room to delight in dressing up, magic layer on magic layer as a cowboy. Finally, the cold silver shining star was buffed and the leather cartridge belt was clipped into place its swinging holsters heavy with six shooters. The transformation from boy to Texas Ranger was complete. For the next hour I shot baddies and rode the prairies and was wounded and killed by many a Redskin's arrow causing me to tumble dramatically from my horse and lie writhing on the sofa, only to miraculously burst into life and kill at least a dozen men midst a burst of gunshots and acrid caps smoke.

My faithful horse was the plump, wide velveteen arm of the sofa, the fat soft cushions served as rocks of the red desert over which I galloped. Wincing with pain and with the zip of bullets whining all about me I made it to my bedroom returning with no more than a flesh wound and my dressing gown cord. The next ten minutes were fraught, although most of the baddies lay where my bullets had dropped them I was unable to deal with the dozen or so that were left and had, although not without a fight, been captured and was to be shot or hanged at day break if I didn't tell them where the gold was hidden. As was customary, to stop me escaping, I was tied tightly, to accomplish this I tied my own feet together tightly with the dressing gown cord and then placing my hands behind my back I wound the neck kerchief tightly around my wrist and fingers. Tied tightly by the bandits I slumped across my trusty horse only to be pushed helplessly from my horse down into the dust of Main Street.

Suddenly, as I was about to make my escape, which would have resulted in a visit to Boot Hill for my captors, I was interrupted by Aunt Min's insistent voice calling me from the 'Back' room for tea. My first attempt to roll off the sofa resulted in my colliding with a small table in front of the fire causing me considerable pain my second was even more painful as I rolled past the table this time striking my head against the corner of the brass fender which bordered the hearth.

My Aunt's voice was growing increasingly urgent, I began hopping, even though I was tied hand and foot, down the polished passageway making my escape from the Jesse Jame's gang as I leapt toward the yellow light of the 'Back' room. Just one more leap and I would make it, and what an entry I would make, what an amusing episode for all of my family as they sat patiently around the tea table.

There were not many mats in my Grandmother's house but there was one laid outside of the 'Back' room door, just a small one made from rag clippings.
For the briefest of moments I was aware of eager faces lit by the soft light as my family waited at table. I stole a fleeting glance of trifles and large coloured jellies even gleaned the briefest whiff of hot mince pies as I glided passed the open doorway of the 'Back' room. The gleaming polished floor was to be my downfall in more ways than one, somewhere in the distance I heard the Jesse James gang whooping and firing six shooters in the air. The small mat had shot away from under my feet and was flying behind me, as I, tied hand and foot, pitched forward toward the small scullery.

The gang mounted and had circled to look down at me, Jesse broke ranks and trotted forward leaning down he drawled 'That this town wasn't big enough for the both of us'. I watched as lazy fingers twitched and danced over his holstered guns as a lash of wind blew scrambling sage bush down Main street and in that same moment my head was filled by a loud cracking and a shower of dazzling lights and then total oblivion.