The Rollover

I often talk to God you know, oh yes all the time in fact,
He gives me the confidence to meet the day, aye; we're talking all the time. Well, when I say talking,
I mean... me. I'm the one who's doing the talking.
Well he does. But it's my voice, you know, in my head.

To be honest, I've never heard him actually say anything that didn’t sound like me anyway.
See...how can you be sure.

Take the other day for instance, down the shop putting on the lottery, I asked him ...you know, what the chances were. No, I didn’t mean I wanted him to fix it or anything, I know it's not right that you should be asking God for such as money.

It’s easier to piss through the eye of a needle than to enter the kingdom of heaven, if you're a rich bastard, I know that. I want it to help I don't want a big win. You wouldn’t know what to do with it would you. No, you see, I'm not a greedy man, a couple of million or something I'd be in fucking clover.

Well, not that I want it all for myself you understand, I'd be happy with a just a couple of hundred, grand, if it was just for me. Jesus it's all you would need. It's like I tell him, look I say there’s people out there in need, do you want me to list all the people I'd help. But it's the same every time I speak to him... not a word. Mind you, I think he's pleased, after all wasn’t himself that made a Christian out of me. Dear Lord I say, I know why you didn’t let me win this week. I forgot to include someone didn’t I?

God forgive me, It not even as though I begrudge paying out the thirty quid a week or so that it costs me, isn’t it a good job the old lady's working. I say to him, look if I win at least you would know where the money was going, wouldn’t it be to help the needy and every thing. I'm only human I tell him, doesn’t it stand to reason that your going to help your own first what sort of fucking family man would let his own run short, just a few bob, then I'd divvy out between to all the good causes. You see he's right isn’t he, that’s why in his infinite wisdom he makes sure that if you going give to the poor you're in the frame to win at least twenty million on the fucking rollover.

There I'd be , happy as fucking Larry with just a couple of million having to take the whole bloody family away on a holiday of a life time, buying our Michael a pub, and a car for our Felula. What am I saying a car...I mean two cars, three cars four cars, more is what I'm saying and a new house, a big bastard at that ...with a big bastard swimming pool? You see by the time you've done the basics there's bugger all left for the poor and needy that why God is telling me that I have really have to swallow my pride and

Go after the big one.