Ladies of the North

Beware the lady from Darlington
It would count as almost a sin
If you knocked soft upon her door
She would be bound to let you in
Aye,
Then she will please you
Kiss you
Tease you
Next she’ll bid you stay
To slip on the noose
That will cook your goose
Before she plays away


Beware the lady from Hartlepool
Now there’s a nasty thought
Don’t stray close or hold her hand
Or a lesson you’ll be taught.
Aye,
Then she’ll inspire you
Love you
Tire you
Next she’ll break the news
It is very sad
Now you’re a dad
Your freedom you must lose


Beware the lady from Sunderland
Watch out, she’s hot as hell
Tread lightly with this darkly maid
Or your soul you’ll sell
Aye,
Then she’ll lay you
Lust you
Pay you
Next she will bare your heart
It won’t be funny
When she spends your money
The nasty little tart


Beware the lady from Middlesbrough
A horrid smokey town
She’ll drag you to the floor
In her floral dressing gown
Aye,
Then she’ll rock you
Cock you
Clock you
Next she’ll steal your car
You’ll feel a right tit
Now that nasty shit
Won’t let you stray too far